The child's face was unnaturally pale, whitened skin stretched across her tiny skull in a parchment thin covering. Her eyes were glazed and their empty stare accused Carmen of every sin she'd ever committed. Blood crept from the girl's hairline, dripping over her brows, across her eyes, and covering her cheeks in a veil of crimson. Tiny droplets of ruby red clung to her eyelashes before spattering down to fall upon her half open lips. Still the wordless glare judged Carmen guilty of crimes she barely remembered.
The scream grew in Carmen's stomach before boiling from her mouth, it was long, loud, heartrendingly sad and yet terror stricken. It hurt her own ears, it made her head ring with echoes of gunfire, the endless rat-tat-tat of automatic rifle fire. There was nothing for her to hold onto, nothing to anchor her sanity to. She was adrift in a sea of pain, fear, and blood.
And fire. Always fire. She couldn't stop screaming. The fire would come now, it would come and consume her, body and soul. There would be nothing left but ashes. All ashes.
A hand squeezed her shoulder and Cazador was suddenly leaning above her. She choked down the screams, feeling them burn her throat from the inside. The pain was phantom but no less strong for that. Every inch of her skin crawled with the dream vision. Remorse drew great shudders from her body as the child's face still hovered behind her eyes.
Puzzlement and concern creased the hard planes of Cazador's face. With one hand he turned on the lamp, never looking away from her.
"Carmen?"
She wanted nothing more at that moment than to wrap herself around him and never let go. Let him hold her until the night terrors crept off to their dark corners to lie in wait once more. They'd return, and keep coming back until they ripped the last remaining shreds of her mind into wind tossed fragments of what used to be Carmen.
Instead her hand linked with his in a tight grip, fingers entwined upon her chest. Her shaking subsided a little as she stared at the ceiling, feeling him breathe beside her. His warm body pressed against her side and one leg covered one of hers. He continued to watch her warily, unsure of what had triggered her screams or subsequent silence.
She felt safe.
"Nightmare." Her voice was raw and low as she offered her one word explanation.
She'd never had any dreams as powerful as this, he was positive. He'd lived with her from almost the moment they'd met, he'd spent every night but a few in the same bed with her. He couldn't have done that and remained ignorant of her nightmare plagued sleep. She tossed and turned, cried out occasionally but rarely awoke from them. And never did she let loose a cry as terrible as what she'd just uttered.
"Bad one," They were speaking in Aztlaner, Caz's english chip was lying next to his phone at their bedside.
"Si.. they don't come as often now. Instead they are just worse." She could feel the cold creeping up along her spine. The same chill she used to get when Rafe would utter the words, 'Burn it, Lieutenant.'.
He did not answer, after a moment of utter stillness the light flicked off again and he rolled her unresisting body into his arms.
Half on top of Cazador, Carmen rested her head upon his chest. She could hear the slowing beat of his heart beneath her ear, the heat he radiated chased away the cold invasion of sickness and apathy. They lay pressed skin to skin, him giving comfort where she was used to. She was both vulnerable and soothed by his consoling touch. He was offering silent love, the only kind he was likely to at this point.
The only kind he was likely to offer.
Ever.
"Ramon..." She trailed off, staring now at the window on the opposite end of the room. Darkness pressed against the other side of the glass like a beast yearning to be inside with them. She mentally turned it away. We have enough of our own, thanks. Words ached in her breast, words that needed to be said yet wouldn't form.
"I'd be lost without you."
In the customary brief silence before he spoke Carmen's sight dimmed then sharpened again. Instead of night what was lurking beyond the glass was a roiling mass of flames. Orange, yellow, and red flickered against the glass, far more hungry than the dark ,it sought to destroy her and steal all she treasured.
Ramon tightened his grip on his woman as her shivers grew uncontrollable. He wanted only to slay her demons and let her be rid of them forever but he could not. He could only hold them at bay while she took care of them herself. Helplessness didn't sit well with him, it chafed at his sense of what was right. He should be able to protect her even if she didn't need it very often.
Right now she did. Only this adversary was one he couldn't slay with the guns he was so adept with.
"It is I who would be lost."
Between one blink and the next, the inferno outside was gone. It was only Carmen and Ramon, lying together in their bed. Overwhelming tenderness swept through her, he was so caring when she needed him. His worry was palpable. The tears that threatened now had little to do with her past and more to do with her future or lack of one.
How will I go on when he is gone?